1.30am
Guess I shouls probably just go offline. But, hmm. Guess I didn't do taht, Maybe I should try.. Hmmmmm..maybe not. That's just not right. Cos, once you start, the human mind is always too curious too stop itseld from its curiosity activities. ahhhhhh.. Should I??
****** lalala.. I'm in..haha..hmmm..lets see where shall I start? He did say something bout checkin out.. Here I go.. ?????? .. Beat, beat, beat.. don't stop beating.. Its gonna be fine. I'm dreaming..I'm dreaming??..I must be dreaming!!!!
You better have an explanation for this..You know what I don't need any explanation. Better still I'm sending my two belover[d to come check you out. And I am so gonna forget everything that happenned between us.
3.11am
Sleep!! Gosh, just shut your eyes and sleep!!..You can't be thinkling about this.. Its over!!
Ring....no answer......ring..I heard your voice..
I talked..told you what I saw..burst out..
3.42am
explanation..explanation..explanation....
7.00am
Finally slept....That probably was the third time in my life I never slept the whole night.
Forgive and forget..Le me never regret what I did that day..Just be honest with me the next time..please..you wanted only one thing from me.. And that was trust.. I gave it to you..
Don't let the exact same words bring you yourself down.
=O
Friday, November 26, 2010
27/11/10........Ring a bell??
Woww..seems like yesterday I knew you and we became friends.Its been four months already huhh..Gosh..has it been that long already. I miss you so badly. It hurts..I've told you this before though. But....Hmm..you said you will..try..hmm..
My day wasn't that good. I had three back to back dreams which weren't that good. Dreams that was the total opposite motivation I needed for the moment. Am i doing the right thing?? Having a relationship in the midst of my journey to the road towards my dreams. Momma always said don't let this things distract you from your studies, don't let yourself be stressful all the time, this is your first time so don't get too deep, never say those three poisonous words, boys words are always sweet, never put yourself down, ahhhhhhh there's just too much too list down. Trust me if I say I didn't feel any of these....then I'm exactly telling a big fat lie.
Its just too late ain't it. I let myself indulge on all the words spoken. Fallen, sweetened, warmed, trusted, spoken, and here I am. Like a sunken ship I would say. Its okay. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Confusions are just streaming all over my mind. I wish I could be much stronger. The people around me seemed so much stronger, smarter, luckier, and way better than me. That was definitely what I felt exactly 24 hours ago. That ain't what I feel anymore though. And fear is constantly prickling through my mind that I would be going through the exact same things my best friends are going through right now. My close friend tells me I won't. But....will......can it possibly be that way..I wish not. For I can never imagine myself going through all of that.
So, I came up with a decision. No I will be strong. Yupp.. thats what I tell myself not as a consolation to my worries for the moment, but because I simply believe that that would be the right thing to do. Will it happen as what I expect?? Even I don't know that. But, since I was young I've always known that we should never worry about the future, for it is best left in His hands. So, in his hands I leave all my hopes and most definitely my future. I hope He'll always cradle me in His arms just as I wanna promise that I will not let Him down. Yeahh..
Typing again soon..For now, I'm just gonna listen to CB's song n doze off..hehe..Bye
My day wasn't that good. I had three back to back dreams which weren't that good. Dreams that was the total opposite motivation I needed for the moment. Am i doing the right thing?? Having a relationship in the midst of my journey to the road towards my dreams. Momma always said don't let this things distract you from your studies, don't let yourself be stressful all the time, this is your first time so don't get too deep, never say those three poisonous words, boys words are always sweet, never put yourself down, ahhhhhhh there's just too much too list down. Trust me if I say I didn't feel any of these....then I'm exactly telling a big fat lie.
Its just too late ain't it. I let myself indulge on all the words spoken. Fallen, sweetened, warmed, trusted, spoken, and here I am. Like a sunken ship I would say. Its okay. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Confusions are just streaming all over my mind. I wish I could be much stronger. The people around me seemed so much stronger, smarter, luckier, and way better than me. That was definitely what I felt exactly 24 hours ago. That ain't what I feel anymore though. And fear is constantly prickling through my mind that I would be going through the exact same things my best friends are going through right now. My close friend tells me I won't. But....will......can it possibly be that way..I wish not. For I can never imagine myself going through all of that.
So, I came up with a decision. No I will be strong. Yupp.. thats what I tell myself not as a consolation to my worries for the moment, but because I simply believe that that would be the right thing to do. Will it happen as what I expect?? Even I don't know that. But, since I was young I've always known that we should never worry about the future, for it is best left in His hands. So, in his hands I leave all my hopes and most definitely my future. I hope He'll always cradle me in His arms just as I wanna promise that I will not let Him down. Yeahh..
Typing again soon..For now, I'm just gonna listen to CB's song n doze off..hehe..Bye
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
1st September 10
pause.............
When was the last time I posted something on my blog again? Oh dear, it was a very, very long time ago. I just counldn't seem to find a reason to write a blog since my last post. My life has seriously taken a toll of me. After my results came out, applications after applications and none of it getting through, a broken and torn relationship, parents loosing hope, the walls around me just seem to be crumbling down. For this once in my life, I lost hope, lost my faith, restrained myself, hid my face and didn't even want to see the closest thing to me. How I used to question Him, and despite all that, He never let me off His sight, I was constantly being cradled in His arms. He felt sad for me and was the only ONE who never ever lost HOPE on me.
Never........
Somehow, I gave myself a chance again. Picked up my favourite story book and read those verses. He spoke to me and opened my very blind eyes. Told myself time heals wound. And trust me it did. All I needed was to realise that life was meant to be lived a day at a time. I thinked too much, looked way too far into the future and gave up hope on myself too fast. Even though the people around you may seem to drift away, lack to give you words of encouragement, friends not being there for you when you needed them the most. And you can't seem to stop playing sad songs on your playlist,hehe. The secret to unlocking myself from this string of melancolic stories was to believe in myself. I did it. Believed, just simply believed in myself that He surely made me in this world for a reason. And never did I imagine that my journey in ,life was just unfolding.
27th June 2010
On my way to Kuala Lumpur with ma sitting beside me. Am I really going through this? Was, I about to register myself to a place so far away from home. Will they accept me ? What if I'm too late? What if I can't afford it. What if the place I'm going to ain't a good place to be. What if I'm making the wrong decision? So many questioens streaming through my mind. I could still remember clearly, it was my favourite hero's birth country playing against Portugal in the road towards the World Cup Finals. Sarn helped me by giving me the recent updates of what was happenning on screen live at the time. It was pass midnight and Brazil still haven't scored a single score yet.
Somehow you did slipped into my mind. I could still remember vividly in my mind.
Browsing through images you pested of your favourite team. You supported the team which was playin against the team I supported. Gave myself aynical smile as if this thought really mattered to me at all.You wouldn't possibly know anyway.
In a blink of an eye. I reached safely at my destination. Felt tired as I did not sleep throughout the journey. Thoughts and imaginations of the place I'm about to live at can't stop prickling through my mind. Met my uncle at the bus station who picked us up, stopped by for breakfast and the next thing I knew we were all on our way to my college to be soon.
When was the last time I posted something on my blog again? Oh dear, it was a very, very long time ago. I just counldn't seem to find a reason to write a blog since my last post. My life has seriously taken a toll of me. After my results came out, applications after applications and none of it getting through, a broken and torn relationship, parents loosing hope, the walls around me just seem to be crumbling down. For this once in my life, I lost hope, lost my faith, restrained myself, hid my face and didn't even want to see the closest thing to me. How I used to question Him, and despite all that, He never let me off His sight, I was constantly being cradled in His arms. He felt sad for me and was the only ONE who never ever lost HOPE on me.
Never........
Somehow, I gave myself a chance again. Picked up my favourite story book and read those verses. He spoke to me and opened my very blind eyes. Told myself time heals wound. And trust me it did. All I needed was to realise that life was meant to be lived a day at a time. I thinked too much, looked way too far into the future and gave up hope on myself too fast. Even though the people around you may seem to drift away, lack to give you words of encouragement, friends not being there for you when you needed them the most. And you can't seem to stop playing sad songs on your playlist,hehe. The secret to unlocking myself from this string of melancolic stories was to believe in myself. I did it. Believed, just simply believed in myself that He surely made me in this world for a reason. And never did I imagine that my journey in ,life was just unfolding.
27th June 2010
On my way to Kuala Lumpur with ma sitting beside me. Am I really going through this? Was, I about to register myself to a place so far away from home. Will they accept me ? What if I'm too late? What if I can't afford it. What if the place I'm going to ain't a good place to be. What if I'm making the wrong decision? So many questioens streaming through my mind. I could still remember clearly, it was my favourite hero's birth country playing against Portugal in the road towards the World Cup Finals. Sarn helped me by giving me the recent updates of what was happenning on screen live at the time. It was pass midnight and Brazil still haven't scored a single score yet.
Somehow you did slipped into my mind. I could still remember vividly in my mind.
Browsing through images you pested of your favourite team. You supported the team which was playin against the team I supported. Gave myself aynical smile as if this thought really mattered to me at all.You wouldn't possibly know anyway.
In a blink of an eye. I reached safely at my destination. Felt tired as I did not sleep throughout the journey. Thoughts and imaginations of the place I'm about to live at can't stop prickling through my mind. Met my uncle at the bus station who picked us up, stopped by for breakfast and the next thing I knew we were all on our way to my college to be soon.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A neW dAy, a neW DeteRminaTion
My determination is to avoid all of these things;
1.Chocolates
2.Ice Creams
3.Tom Yam
4.Grapes,Watermelon,and all cooling fruits except APPLE
5.Ice water
6.Carbonated drinks
7.Spicy food
8.Junk food with lots of flavouring only
9.Jellies
10.Asam
11.AND EVEYTHING ELSE WILL THAT WILL DETERIORATE THE
MISSION
the journey will definitely be freaking,insanely,unfair,sickening,n tempting..yet I believe if I try n put my hope n trust in myself..I can definitely achieve it..because I believe that you have to work hard to gain something you want badly..
1.Chocolates
2.Ice Creams
3.Tom Yam
4.Grapes,Watermelon,and all cooling fruits except APPLE
5.Ice water
6.Carbonated drinks
7.Spicy food
8.Junk food with lots of flavouring only
9.Jellies
10.Asam
11.AND EVEYTHING ELSE WILL THAT WILL DETERIORATE THE
MISSION
the journey will definitely be freaking,insanely,unfair,sickening,n tempting..yet I believe if I try n put my hope n trust in myself..I can definitely achieve it..because I believe that you have to work hard to gain something you want badly..
Saturday, April 10, 2010
confusions..
Its hard when your confused..its easy for people to say trust your heart and follow your instict..but then the mind tells you something else..and you tend to take decisions that end up being wrong..its hard its hard its hard..I keep telling myself no way I am ever gonna place myself in such situation again..then here I am..regretting over things..haha..guess..that's the circle of life..yet seriously life needn't be taken so hard..I mean we live for once so we gotta use it till the fullest..dreams are part of life n ambitions may come in many type..feeling unsure on what to pursue..listening to rational talks,lectures day after day by etc people..tellin bout how our future is suppose to be..when the fact is we ourselves aren't very sure of what the future holds for us..we just gotta use each moment of the life we're living now the best we can n pray hard that all will go well..yet I have my dreams..wacky one's some may think..yet I believe someday dreams may come true..sounds a lil Cinderella type..haha..kinda is..but doesn't mean dreams only come true in movies right..it may also come true in reality..if only we have faith and believe..so the fact that how confusions is linked to dreams coming true..?..well..everything in life has its risks, such as in this context confusion on which dream to pursue and which dreams to give up on..its just hard to give up on something after all you've gone through with it..for example the dream your having is like a rose plant which you have planted in your heart..and when you realise that you gotta give it up because you know that there is no way left for you to achieve it..imagine taking out the plant from your heart..thorns of roses being brushed through..very sad..yet if we give excuses..things won't change..until you take a leap of faith and continue walking head held high,believing in ourselves in the most humble way in society in a journey we all call as "LIFE"..
Friday, April 9, 2010
Crazy Addictions In life..
What do you think of tatoos..?..seriously, I mean it sounds bad, a kind of vandalisme being done to one's body..but I don't know why..tataoos have always taken up my close attention to it..tv shows such as Miami Ink, LA Ink has definitely been a major part in my strangest idea of liking tatoos..when I mentioned this to my mum..she was cool bout it cos she thinks I know between right and wrong and would definitely never ever get the idea of getting a tatoo someday..yet its just a unique form of art that really aspires me..haha..yet I'm so not getting a tatoo!!..that's for sure..people have tatoos for a reason..either to make sure a certain experience in their life to be closely embedded in their hearts or "physically saying" on their body forever..haha..call me weird for having a tatoo for fun..but I'm sticking to sticker tatoos for now and always!!..an easy way of potraying your passion for tatoo and the most rational way I could figure out for now..muahaha..
Angels in The Form of Friends..
Meeting you was a blessing I can never ever imagine..its like angels dropped you from heaven into my hands in a form of a friend..its just been so long..uncountable years of friendship..we've been through it all..good times and lots of bad times too..yet we never stay sour with each other for long though..Thanking God for that!!..but before I met you..there was someone else..she's also a gift from Heaven given to me..but I guess..fate has it that way that I should be closer to you than to her..plus we shared a lot of things in common..or we just got close of being at the same place,time and experience together..You've been an inspiration to me..to go further in life..you gave me lots of uncountable information n knowledge that I can never imagine obtaining somewhere else or even the way to repay you..the care,joy and pain you shared with me have made me feel that the life I'm having is so worth it..So many sacrifices you've done for me..n what did I give you..nothing in return..nothing just nothing..that's why I guess I'm going through this now..me being left aside a little n little..guess there's nothing on this Earth that could be obtained without having paid in return..we're always stay tight though..I believe..n there's no way anyone or anything that could change that..I really hope so though..People all have dreams..wishing someday all their dreams will come true..though they realise that it goes against all odds to see their wishes come true..but what we all don't realise is that with dreams come hope..Hope is the one that drives us to continue going on in life..so when your dreams come true..doesn't that hope die instantly..so I'm wishing that this dream of mine will stay forever a dream..cos if I loose my hope..I don't think there's gonne be another way to go on with life..
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